Nipples Need Not Apply

• DO NOT dress casually for an interview.

Do we live in a beach community? Yes.
Do I wear a bathing suit to the beach? Yes.
Do I wear a bathing suit to the office? NO.

DO NOT come to my office in a flourescent orange bikini, shorty-shorts that may as well read "UNHIRABLE" on the butt, and a wife-beater tank top and expect to be taken seriously. How could any person on this planet consider you for a job in an office when he/she can see your nipples through your bathing suit? Yes, we all have nipples, and we're all adults here, but nipples are not a "qualification".

You could've just dropped me a quick email saying,

Dear Recruiter,

After careful consideration, I've decided that I'd rather not take your job opportunity seriously in any way. I feel it is in my best interest to continue generating my primary income from selling pictures of my feet to men I meet on Craigslist.

Best,
Nipples

PS. I'm just not into hiring you.